How To Build Social Confidence
For years I hide a secret from the world which was I was terrified of people because I hated them and didn’t trust them. I was abused growing up my Dad who terrified me and taught me that people could not be trusted. I was not allowed to be my true self around my Dad because he would jealous and become violent towards me. I never agreed with his views about the world but I was too afraid to disagree with him because the fear he might kill me. I didn’t trust him after years of being abused. He traumatized me and my whole family knew about the abuse but none seemed to do anything about it. This left me feeling terrified and as far as I was concerned I had been abandoned by my family and society. The hurtful thing was I loved my Dad very much and my family and had really lovely memories. However, the negative memories by far outweighed the positive ones because I was left broken. Social anxiety disorder is a mental illness and one that affects every area of your life. You cannot pretend it is not there because it is always there because the FEAR is in you. Everywhere I went I projected fear/anxiety no matter who I was talking to it would be there. I would experience negative self-critical thoughts about what people were thinking about me.
I remembered all the bullying that my Dad did to me which contained to bully me in my mind. I suffered w depression, mood swings, anger, jealousy, paranoia, insecurity, panic attacks. I hated myself and living was too painful, even though I tried everything to block the pain out. I used every rationalization known to man from which came in the form of negative addictions.
These were all the things that I hide in to escape dealing with my pain which was talking to people. Now, of course, I did have periods where I would feel ok and could socialize with people but it never lasted because my mind would always create problems for me. I would also get triggered by people very easily which would cause these dysfunctional personalities to come out in the form of anger, jealousy, negativity. I spent much of my childhood daydreaming as a way to dissociate with the trauma that my Dad had caused me. The relationship between me and my mom, Dad, brother was not fully honest. I was always really angry and how dishonest the communication was in the fact that we didn’t sit together as a family and eat which upset me. We hardly ever went on holiday because everyone was socially anxious I could sense and see this as a young boy. For me to not be able, to be honest, and open around my own family was so hurtful I often contemplated committing suicide. I knew this was not right and every part of my intuition told me I was right. I had experienced being in functional family households and ours was dysfunctional with people constantly losing their tempers because they were stressed.
The constant FEAR of my Dad losing his temper and going on one of his violent outburst made it impossible for me to relax. My Mum was lovely but she also had a bad anger problem and didn’t have the social skills to be able to communicate with me normally. My Brother who I love was lovely he was the most normal out of everyone and me and him got on really we’ll. I knew this was not my fault because I was not born with social anxiety and all these personalities disorders. This was taught to me without me having the choice to disprove. Now despite being abused growing and living in a dysfunctional household I still love my family very much they worked extremely hard to give me the best life they could but it wasn’t good enough to be left socially crippled. I was so afraid of my Dad when he came into the room I couldn’t speak with him because he was too intimidating. He hit me on so many occasions and my mom would be screaming at him to stop. I was deeply ashamed to be a part of this because this was not who I was. My family were deeply unconscious and their dysfunctional behavior was a result of being completely unconscious. As a child growing up I could sense my mom and dad’s pain and anxiety which I took on. I was as lucky as I was unlucky because although my Dad treated me like shit my Nan treated me lovely which most likely saved my life and enabled me to write this article today. Despite all the excuses my Dad gave later on after he realized what he did to me was disgusting and wrong. It did not take the fact away most of my life from age 13 up till my 30th birthday was spent in pain. I had got really good at managing my social anxiety to the point most people would probably not notice it unless they were really socially aware. However, I still had to live with the fact that I was not living my life with honesty. My relationship with myself was awful and with my friends and family. This all came down to trust which was something I found really hard to do to trust people. Prior to the abuse with my Dad, I was so trusting with people and outgoing it never crossed my mind that a person would betray me. I trusted my Nan 100% which gave me hope that somehow someway I could put a stop to these MONSTER that bullied me. Years later my Dad definitely called down and changed and our relationships got slutty better but I was still uncomfortable around him. It felt like a massive barrier to be my true self around him because of the traumatizing memories of all the abuse.
I knew deep down and my FAITH in (God) told me I could turn this around and overcome this with re-building my social confidence and living a clean life free of negative addictions. I didn’t want to live a violent, addicted, depressed, dishonest, life anymore enough was enough.
It was time to embark on a righteous path which gave me excited meant and hope. I wanted to transform people lives through sharing my story. I wanted to confront everything that blackmailed me and kept me secretly afraid. This could only be done by me changing myself and becoming conscious or socially confident whatever you prefer.
I would deliberately suffer as my mentor would say and grow in confidence.
changing my relationships
Doing what I loved
All these things would overcome my pain and make my future a brighter one. When you are afraid of people it takes tremendous courage to talk with them because it’s painful when you carry a lot of unconscious hate which makes you feel guilty and ashamed. You have to go through all these negative human emotions. Evan feeling love was extremely painful for me because of years of feeling hate towards myself and other people. I was always a very sensitive child growing up which is why I was hurt by my Dads unkind words and actions. I never liked the idea of being bullied by any man it made me furious which is why I became a bully myself to project myself. If you put enough pressure on any person they will break because everyone has a breaking pint. Evan a St can lose their temper.
I tried using anger and violence to solve anger and violence and it never worked.
(LOVE) is POWER
(HONESTY) is POWER
(INTEGRITY) is POWER
I put all these things into practice and started to see my life change before my very eyes with becoming a writer, speaker, teacher, which was something I never dreamed I could do in all honesty. I was told all my life growing up by family, friends, teachers, I could not achieve my dreams which was not true. Anything is possible if you are willing to suffer in order to achieve your dreams by doing the work. All my success came from a hard work ethic and being motivated by my painful past. I refused to allow the abuse to stop me from becoming the man (God) made me to be. I was confident underneath the “SOCIAL MASK” I wore because I was afraid of being “ABANDONED” by my family and people for being my true self which was confident, carrying, loving, This is who I truly was underneath I loved people the hate was just energy pain and wrong
beliefs about the world I once created from my negative thinking. I went to tons of social meetups and practiced talking to people until I grew more and more social confidence. I stripped away all the false layers that my addictions created. I became honest and clean living which changed the way I looked at people. I saw the world in a different way
If you have social, anxiety disorder you have to be willing to suffer and clean your life up to heal, grow, forgive, and TRANSFORM to the person you truly are. Confidence does not come from sitting down in a comfortable armchair. Confidence comes through facing many mini battles which is FEAR.
“FEAR” is not your friend if you work with it and welcome it into your life at any opportunity you get.
Perfect Love as Jesus once said cast out all FEAR.
Thanks for reading