Several years back I was lacking in confidence not only with women but in pretty much all areas of my life. I think most guys who start out on the journey to learning “game”, or self development which is a term I much prefer, feel that getting confident around women is different to just getting confident in all areas of their life. This is a huge mistake as most guys who are learning how to communicate with women realise that once you begin to get confident around women you get more confident in other areas of life, be it around large social groups or just in everyday situations like in the work force etc. I guess what I’m saying is that when I first started out learning game and performing crazy routines, lines, DHV, stories and over analysing every move, I never realised that it was not so much the methods that were not working, my confidence was not up to scratch so pretty much any method would have not been congruent to the level of confidence I had at that particular time.
Chinese- Quote “when the wrong man uses the right means the right means works in the wrong way”..
This saying could have definitely described me several years ago. I’m a huge believer that confidence is something in the pickup community that is not stressed enough. I feel there is far too much emphasis on the actual method or the words than the underlining sub-communication i.e. the confidence that backs up the method, words, and most importantly the vibe. I was no different to any new guy starting out I had all the classic limiting beliefs an AFC tends to have. I think most guys first think they’re not good looking enough so straight away their self esteem is lowered and pretty much all the key foundations are not in place so any method at the starting point will likely not work for them.
I know i was asking the same questions a newbie starting out will ask themselves, how do I get confident if I don’t have model looks. This is taking things to the extreme but isn’t that what most of us do best in society. We take things or let’s say we make a small problem a huge problem by creating these limiting beliefs and deciding that this is how it is and it will never change.
Well let’s just say for argument sake that you have to be a tall model with a chiselled face like an 80′s American movie star to attract women or let’s just say to sleep with a decent looking young lady. You and I both know that’s complete and utter bullshit as how many countless examples of less then average looking men are walking down the high street with decent looking women? Oh wait a second, you will say oh but that guy must have money to be sleeping with her or he just must have this mystical x-factor about him. You see you just made all these reasons as to why that average looking guy has an attractive girl besides him.
I think I can testify that you don’t have to be a model to be successful with women or even a really good-looking man. One thing you definitely need is confidence, which is something that is very attractive to not only women but everybody. I once asked a girl that I was dating “what do you find attractive in a guy?” She straight away replied I like confidence in a man that’s very important to me as well as a sense of humour. I thought that kind of described myself so I later asked her why did you sleep with me what was it you liked about me then, she said your confidence and your sense of humour, she then went on to tell me that at first sight she did not find me physically attractive! Damn my ego was stung, just for a second guy’s don’t panic. I find with women again what they say they like and what they actually respond to are very different, which I believe mystery himself quoted, (just to clear up any copy right haha!)
I found this pattern with me meeting and attracting women through my pua journey was ever growing in the sense that all the women I had dated and slept with were attracted to my behaviour rather than my looks. I actually found great comfort in knowing that I no longer had to threat over having a muscle bound physiques and an 80′s jaw line to enhance my dating life. I think my ego loved the fact that my level of game if you like was that good, I was able to attract women who several years back were out of my league, which of course is a limiting belief because as the saying goes “whatever man thinketh so is he” If you think your looks are what’s stopping you from attracting women then that will carry out in your whole vibe and the women will sense that and be turned off by this.
I think first thing is first when a newbie is starting out with learning game whether it’s daygame or nightgame, he needs to work on his confidence and not rely solely on methods or canned lines. I think for a newbie just going over to a girl and literally saying hi is a great achievement even if he gets rejected, which you later come to discover is only feedback. I always say rejection at the start of the journey will have a very different meaning as you progress into your journey! I will leave you to figure that out for yourselves.
I was once asked by a friend do I get rejected when I’m out gaming whether its daygame or nightgame! I immediately said yes of course, he kind of looked at me with some confusion, and again he had this idea that I’m not supposed to get rejection because I’m a pua which is ridiculous. I later told him that I had not felt rejected since I had experienced Lmr 2 years prior to my rapid improvement in game. I later went on to realise that my level of confidence not only around women but just in how I felt about myself had shot up. My whole point is that through experience and tons of rejection/failure as well as success, I found the confidence to realise it’s not a magic routine I needed to attract women or enhance my dating life, it’s all about how I feel about myself that will play out in my reality. I can’t stress enough that in any pattern of success you will fail so many times and experience some level of pain and uncertainty but boy is it worth it in the end if you stick at it.
I guess confidence can be understood in many different forms. I will start off by saying that when I first was learning the pickup arts hitting the west-end night clubs and the 8-10 hours on the streets, my understanding of confidence changed completely, now I can get rejected and feel completely cool about it. I think when guys see other guys who are confident they don’t realise that the same guy they are looking at, at some point or another had to go through some hardship in life and was not just born perfect. I feel confidence is something that needs to be practiced not faked as I personally don’t like the term ‘faking it till you make it’ but each to their own.
The more women you approach the more reference points you gather up, the more experience you have the more confidence you will have, it’s that simple so why do we make it so hard on ourselves. I think with confidence comes vision and courage to make decisions, take risks and not care what others think around you, create your own reality stop seeking validation and you will eventually get it.
That’s why women are attracted to confident men because from an evolutionary stand point this ticks all the right boxes in terms of the survival value you can offer her, and yes without looking like Jean Claude Van Dame in Bloodsport.
So stop making excuse about looks, money, upbringing ect and get your ass off the laptop and all the pua forums, and start taking positive actions, man will you be grateful in the end when you have a phone book filled with different girls begging to meet you and you’re stressed out about how you will meet all the girls that you number closed!
If you have limiting beliefs then go out for 6-12 months and test out for yourself whether your appearance is stopping you sleeping with attractive women, because I think it’s your attitude that is causing this. 6 to 12 months go by very fast when you’re daygaming or nightgaming on a regular basis so don’t waste your life procrastinating, it’s too short.