My whole life growing up from around age 13 I developed a terrifying fear which was people. I was prettified of being abandoned and didn’t trust anyone. I was so frightened of people to the point I couldn’t be myself because I was afraid that they would bully me. I was terrified of psychical and verbal confrontation which is I why I hide behind a false persona a social mask to project me and keep people happy. This fear continued to secretly grow bigger and bigger the older I got. I was desperate to seek help and overcome this but I was actually terrified of confronting this fear due to the inner voices in my head. It may sound crazy to say this but I thought I would be killed if I was to confront this fear. The logic was if I confronted my fear which was people and became socially confident my family and friends at the time would abandon me for being socially confident. The fear was so intense that every time I seriously thought about facing it my mind and body would go into sheer, panic. Although I suffered from social phobia it felt as though I had the weight of the whole world on my shoulders. This made me feel ill and often caused me to suffer depression and often contemplate committing suicide. I was deeply unhappy although I presented that things were ok around my friends and family. I was always worried about being caught out by my family and friends for having social phobia and thinking such negative thoughts. So what I did for many years was to run away and escape my fear through my addictions. Anything to escape my social anxiety and my unhappiness even at the cost of doing bad things.
I ended up attracting a lot of negativity into my life even though I hide the fact I was frightened of people. I ended up taking drugs, fighting, drinking alcohol, watching porn, paying for sex and drug dealing. These were not the real me it was all my way of coping with my pain. I knew this was not me of course because I lived with myself every day for twenty-four hours a day and I felt trapped in my own body. It felt as if I was possessed by an angry person that would not allow me to be my true self. I remembered how I used to be before I had developed social anxiety which was kind, honest, and loving towards myself and people. This was because I never had all the horrible negative inner voices that kept telling me people couldn’t be trusted and I had to protect myself constantly by keeping other people happy at the cost of making myself suffer on the inside.
When I got into my early twenties I started to feel really angry and depressed at the fact I was not being my true self. My relationship with my family and friends was awful because in truth I didn’t trust them and this affected everything. I loved them but I also felt an incredible amount of paranoia because of my mental state. I thought my family and friends would betray me at any opportunity that would get. I would end up feeling bad sometimes and often blame myself for being a bad person. This became a vicious circle of self-hate, anxiety, depression, addiction, that continued to impression me in my own body. I also allowed people to bully me on a social level because I was too afraid to stand up for myself. The thing that was so contradicting and confusing was I could really have a fight but it still didn’t matter. When it came to being straight with people and talking things out in a calm manner I just couldn’t do it. I would then often completely lose my temper with people and use psychical violence which would end relationships and scare people off.
I was really frightened of standing up to people verbally without the need of having to use physical violence or was that really the case I questioned this for another few years right up to my late twenties when I seriously started to question everything in my life despite achieving a considerable amount of success. I had seriously turned my life around for the better from where I was at aged 23 to living a pretty positive life away from drugs, violence, porn, prostates, and so forth. I now had lots of women around me and friends and my family relationship was definitely better. I was running a business teaching men how to be confident with women. However aged 30 I had a huge realization about my ongoing fear that was bullying me. I was still unconsciously afraid of people despite having done hundreds of public talks. i had taught hundreds of men from all around the world also dated hundreds of women and was in a good position in life. I soon became aware very quickly that I was still unconsciously hiding behind a mask that was protecting me from fully showing myself because of an unconscious fear of being abandoned by people and judged. This sounds ironic when I was really confident on the exterior and the results in my life were the proof of that. However, I could not deny that the voices were still frequently coming back and all the feelings of anxiety around my family and friends were coming back very strong. As much as I tried to deny this fear it got stronger the social anxiety that had plagued me since I was a young boy that I thought I had overcome had come back again to haunt me. I had a full relapse at age 30 and now everything I had built was destroyed including all my relationships and with myself. I spent the next 3 years with a fantastic mentor working on myself and healing which I did and now finally making a full recovery overcoming my social anxiety I found the truth that I was running away from all my life that I want to share with you that will hopefully inspire you to overcome your fear.
The truth was I was not really afraid of being abandoned by people and being judged although of, course, that did frighten me. In, fact, the real fear that was truly in my heart was that I was afraid of my best self. That’s right I was afraid of being my true self because that would mean having to take full responsibility for my success and showing my true self to the whole world. I knew that my family and friends would possibly not like me changing because that would affect them in many ways. This neurotic fear that was in my head like a constant horror story was bullying me periodically and wouldn’t let me rest no matter how much success I achieved. This was the young 13-year-old boy that was traumatized by his Dad who gave me all these fears when he was abusive towards me growing up. This is what unconsciously made me purposely lower my standards in life and be in relationships with people that were not honestly fulfilling. Evan though I loved my family and friends in truth I was not being myself around them because I knew they would have been able to handle me being honest it would have magnified their lack of authenticity and this blackmailed me and kept me a prisoner in dysfunctional relationships. I always ended up feeling really selfish for wanting to fulfill my full potential in life because I knew it would mean possibly leaving people behind. My family and friends were not encouraging me and supporting me with my vision which I understood but it still didn’t make it right. This was about me being true to myself which at the time I was not. I was afraid of bettering myself and making new friends and building wholesome functional relationships which were something I never had with my own family.
My Dad had terrified me with the fear of abandonment because at young, age when I was being myself he attacked me and made me feel ashamed, embarrassed, worthless, unlovable, and confused. This fear was the result of abuse that went onto to create my completed social phobia that caused me to act out in ways that were not honest or at least to myself. Everything started to make sense to me with how I allowed friends, family, people, to bully me. I also became a bully myself out of fear and trying to protect myself. I thankfully had a great relationship with my Nan who I loved and was so kind to me which really showed me that people can, in fact, be trusted as long as I can build trust in myself which was something my mentor helped me to rebuild. I was proven to be right because the moment I started to take off my false mask and go towards my truth I lost all my friends even girlfriend because they couldn’t handle my change. I was no afraid anymore and people can not only see that but feel the difference in energy. I was no longer being violent, racist, angry, abusive, which seem to threaten them. I also confronted my Dad after almost 20 years of him abusing me both psychically and verbally which changed everything for me. I confronted every fear that was attached to this one main fear which was my Dad. It feels so good to be myself and overcome this mental illness (Social Phobia)
I made this a bigger problem then it was but the truth is fear is not real it only feels real when you allow it to bully you. Love is the most powerful energy no doubt having tried using violence, anger, people pleasing, addictions, which don’t get rid of the fear. I was sad to lose friends but I didn’t take it personal because the truth is the truth. I spent years pleasing people, family, strangers, at the cost of abandoning myself because of fear of not being good enough.
Success is a lonely path to begin with which is what it took for me to overcome social anxiety. The great thing is my relationship with myself has depended and my love for people has grown. This came at the cost of being really brave and facing my fears. I knew deep down I was not in the right relationships with people because I was not in the right relationship with myself because of my social anxiety. It’s funny how my initial fear which of people an being rejected was quite the opposite which was of being successful and making more friends and living a wonderful life. I strongly believe this is the same for other people who have social anxiety. I have personally mentored hundreds of people on my 6-week transformation programme and they all testify to having this fear of their true potential which is awaiting them if they reach for it an grab it with both hands. This is why I wanted to share my truth with you as proof that social anxiety is not real only feels real for as long as you allow it to frighten you. I learned this with standing up to my dad who was extremely abusive and a afraid which is why he bullied me. When I stood up to him he feel apart was not able to do anything but accept his mistakes. This was the same when I stood up to friends that were manipulating me an bully me at the time because they knew they could. I eventually built the confidence to stand up to them non-violently with love and honesty and they too were not able to do anything. This has been the same for getting success with attractive women in my life at different periods sin my life.
So Love is the answer which is why I talk ability this over and over again. You have to love yourself by knowing yourself and being true to yourself otherwise people and life will informally bully you. I don’t say this to scare you because there are plenty of good people in life but you have to find the good person in yourself so you don’t attract negative people. I have learned that we attract what we are which is very insuring because that mean if you are not happy in your life you can change it anytime you want. I’m not saying this was easy for me because I had to invest both time and money which is really just the same thing. You have to put out even energy in order to receive good energy back. This was the same for me with making money I had a tremendous amount of fear due to wrong beliefs about money which was not true. My relationships with money was dysfunctional exactly the same as with people which is why I struggled at the time to make it. When I got myself into a better state of mind an overcome my fears I started to attract money which gave me the opportunity to invest in good mentorship.
To many people are afraid of investing there money and time into getting the correct help because secretly they are afraid of success and fulfilling there potential. These for most people are uncomfortable truths but that’s why the saying goes (“The Truth Often Hurts”) You have to be willing to invest in yourself and the hep to overcome social anxiety or any fear that is secretly keeping you trapped. I get a lot of emails from people/men that are afraid of facing their anxieties around women but they won’t invest time and money into getting the support to achieve their goals with getting a beautiful girlfriend so they make excuses and say they don’t have the money or the time which is excuse making. I know this because at one stage or another I did this myself and blamed the world for my lack of success with women, social anxiety, abuse from my Dad, lack of money because I was afraid to step up to the plate and take responsibility for my true potential.
Everything is relationship this is what I have learned in my life so far at aged 33.
Relationship with yourself
Relationship with women/people
Relationship with money
Relationship with God/Consciousness
You can have all these things if you face your fear and prove that it is not real. It’s always a story that goes on inside our head that either inspires us or keeps us living in fear.
I hope this inspires you to face your fears and achieve your dreams!
Love
Johnny Berba