I want to share with you how I overcome my social anxiety after years of being terrified of people and life. I was so afraid of people I couldn’t even make eye contact and go out in public because I felt uncomfortable. This made me feel deeply ashamed, embarrassed, frustrated, lonely, depressed, and untrusting of everybody including myself. I was afraid of myself because I
didn’t know how I would react in social situations because I was carrying a lot of anger and rage. My Dad abused me growing up which made me afraid of him which resulted in me becoming socially uncomfortable. All social anxiety comes from being abused whether that’s by a parent, bully at school, anyone that has broken your trust. This has been my honest truth with my own experience with being abused and developing social anxiety. The two are related although I think society see’s them as separate issues. I have been coaching people who have anxiety with women/people for over 5 years and this has been the common pattern I have seen. I alway’s intuitive knew what was wrong with me and why I was this way and how I could overcome this FEAR.
Honesty & Forgiveness is the solution to overcoming social anxiety and childhood abuse. Without the honest truth, nothing is possible. If you don’t admit to the truth you cannot heal yourself and overcome social anxiety. HONESTY is a beautiful healing teacher and one that is available for everyone and anytime if they are brave enough to reach for it.
COURAGE: You need a lot of courage to heal your pain and overcome social anxiety and abuse otherwise you won’t have the strength to make this a living reality. I found courage because I was helpless and depressed and did not want to remain a victim of my abuse. For years I accepted that this was who I was when in truth it wasn’t. I was always socially confident it came naturally to me I didn’t need to think about it or be reminded it’s normal to talk with other human beings. I was also very loving and caring towards people that also came very natural to me I never had to think about this stuff. This was all intuitive for me like eating food when you are hungry and drinking water when you are thirsty.
Social Anxiety is not REAL it’s all something you create from your mind which makes it REAL. Social anxiety is a terrifying FEAR of being exposed by people for being UNCOMFORTABLE & HATING them. I know this sounds harsh because “HATE” is such a harsh unfair destructive word. Society is not quite comfortable with the word “HATE” because it frightens people and communicates DANGER. I don’t like the word “HATE” neither it makes me feel uneasy and depressed. However, the TRUTH is the TRUTH which is why people are offended and very uncomfortable with the TRUTH. People that have SOCIAL ANXIETY HATE PEOPLE UNCONSCIOUSLY because they HATE themselves or part of themselves because at one time or another someone projected “HATE” onto them and made them feel abandoned. They say LOVE/HATE are closely related with is why you often hear the term they had a LOVE/HATE relationship. Well, this was my truth with myself, my family, people, society, in that I had a LOVE/HATE relationship because my DAD damaged me growing up and made me feel like a bad person for being alive and breathing and walking around on planet earth. I never had any HATE towards him, family, people, myself, until he called me horrible names and became jealous of my happiness and self-confidence. I was naturally outgoing, charming, confident, loving, creative, growing up. Now, of course, I was not anything close to (PERFECT) but who is?
I loved my mom very much, I loved my Dad, I didn’t have any hate in my heart I was a Christian and believed in God/Jesus and doing good. Now, of course, like everyone I had my doubts about a god in the sky that was constantly judging us for our mistakes but I knew right from wrong which was all intuitive I didn’t need to read the Bible to know this all though I loved some of the inspiring stories in the Bible. I loved writing, playing, laughing, talking, performing, inspiring, giving, sharing, all these things that are in the category of love if that makes sense. I didn’t like dishonesty it never made me feel good it always made me feel lonely and afraid. I’m not talking about making small everyday mistakes that any normal functional compassionate human being makes. I’m talking about beating people up, taking drugs, lying, stealing, paying prostitutes for sex, and being afraid of the world and living with anger, hate, paranoia, jealousy, constant fear of danger. I’m also talking about becoming sexually aroused and not having any self-control and watching hours, of pornography, then feeling awful afterward. I don’t like that feeling of feeling dirty, ashamed, embarrassed, disconnected, unlovable, disempowered, a helpless victim, less of a man. I don’t like being in these mental exhausting prisons that feel like the 9th circle of hell.
I will GO into the DARK, DIRTY, UNLOVING, UNCOMFORTABLE, SHAMEFUL, places that most people will not even CONSIDER. I love truth it makes me GIGGLE in a very cheeky way because so many people are hiding from the truth. (I’m still working on being more truthful)
FEAR, FEAR, FEAR, FEAR, FEAR, FEAR, FEAR, FEAR!! SO MUCH FEAR TO MUCH FEAR as far as I’m concerned. I was afraid, terrified, nervous, anxious, on edge, unsettled, because my Dad did this to me and I couldn’t do anything about it because my family didn’t want to deal with what happened to me. They were afraid because it brought on shame and stress which they couldn’t deal with. I understood how they felt but in all honesty, I was really ANGRY and upset. I felt this was my fault I must have done something wrong to deserve this maybe my “CONFIDENCE” comes across as “ARROGANCE” I don’t like arrogance it always comes from the wrong place of underlining insecurity. I was always very sensitive as a young boy growing up I could feel people’s energy. I could feel when a person was honest and coming from the heart and I could feel when there were not being genuine.
GOD/Consciousness/Universe: helped me to overcome this terrifying, uncomfortable, embarrassing, shameful, self-pitying, ridiculous, violent, abusive, addicted, lying, dishonest, unfair, depressing, suicidal, NEGATIVE horror story about my (DAD)
“FORGIVENESS”
The final “TRUTH” is “FORGIVENESS” and “LOVE” When you get abused by someone you LOVE it fu@ks with your head please excuse my use of foul language. This is why I shared my story with everyone, I mean everyone that ever walked, breathed, this “AMAZING” place we call PLANET EARTH. My “BIGGEST FEAR” was PEOPLE finding out WHAT was in my MIND, HEART, SPIRT, SOUL, I was worried that they would judge me harshly. Well, people have the right to their opinion and the FREEDOM to express themselves. I was given the same right and FREEDOM to stand up to my (FATHER) that was dishonest to me when he broke my trust by abusing me and making me feel guilty for being LOVING and CONFIDENT towards other people. I have, to be HONEST about all the good he did for me which is as long as a shopping list. My Father did so much good for me probably more good than bad although the bad outweighed the good at the time and seriously hurt me and broke my HEART I couldn’t deny this anymore I was hurt although for years I tried so hard to hide my pain. I was ashamed of my pain and didn’t want other people to pity me as Pitty is for the weak. I do feel a little EGOTISTICAL saying this but I’m as strong as an OAX not because I’m special but because of (God) because of what is inside me. I have HEART which is where my COURAGE DERIVES FROM which is GOD.
THE HEARTS OF MEN: GOD JUDGES A MAN NOT BY HIS ACTIONS BUT BY HIS HEART. I can’t remember where I heard this maybe it was the famous rapper TUPAC SHAKUR that said it and this resonated with me. This does not mean a MAN should be thoughtless, carless, and NEGATIVE in his actions.
I knew the only way to EVER overcome my SOCIAL ANXIETY and PAIN was to change, TRANSFORM, and reconnect to who I truly was which was honest and confident.I have always been very critical of myself more so than any critic including my (Dad) this is how I created some decent things in the world. I’m an ARTIST and being self-critical is part of being an artist. Being an artist takes courage because you have to accept being judged for your ART your TRUTH. The Love, Joy, connection, I feel when I tell the TRUTH makes everything worth while. You can say what you want about the truth, you can deny it, attack it, rationalize it, hide, run, but the “TRUTH” remains. You cannot say that the Sun is not there when you can clearly see it, and feel it, and breath, the energy it gives off.
So the fact that my family pretended that my “SOCIAL ANXIETY” was not there did not make it go away only GROW STRONGER & STRONGER. I knew that one day this “TRUTH” would get out and when it did it would have a MASSIVE EFFECT on the world. My truth would ripple the OCEAN, the SEA, and give healing to other people that needed to hear it. I also knew it would also offend many which in all honesty I didn’t care anymore I went beyond “WORRYING” about offending PEOPLE and caring so much about what they thought about me. I also wanted to help people and not for the sake of trying to been seen to do good, or be good, because this is not in my hands only (God) can determine the end result all I can do is play my part in having the courage, to tell the truth about what happened to me and how I overcome my fear. The HEALING and FORGIVENESS for me has been a painful, tiring, uncomfortable, liberating, relieving, profound, experience. I couldn’t go on living anymore living a lie and “WEARING A MASK” because I was ANGRY, EMBARRASSED, ASHAMED, at what my Dad had done to me and how my family had reacted to the abuse.
I’m very blessed to have been able to turn my life around and do so many wonderful things like writing, teaching, talking, and meeting so many amazing people along my JOURNEY. I achieved things that I NEVER EVER imagined were POSSIBLE for me. For me, it’s not just been about all the material selfish egotistical things like money, fame, women, success, recognition, my most proudest achievement for me personally was having the courage to stand up to EVIL which it was. I had to stand up to my DAD because what he did was wrong. What my Family did was wrong, and the mistakes I made were also wrong which I paid the price for. I struggled for years to forgive myself for being in pain because it made me feel weak and out of control and very guilty. I had to feel all those horrible uncomfortable feelings in the pit of my stomach. I had to go into the places of “DARKNESS” “DEPRESSION” “LONELINESS” “ANGER” “SELF-HATE” “DENIAL” “DISCOMFORT”“ANXIETY” “FEAR” “VIOLENCE” “DRUGS” “ALCOHOL” “POVERTY” “SHAME”
I went through all these emotions to get to LOVE which for me is the truth. I’m talking about LOVE in every sense of the word. Not LOVE as in words or a big MOTHERLY HUG which is nice I wouldn’t deny that. I’m talking about FACING my most terrifying fears all of them one by one every single fear known to man I have faced. Except jumping out of an air plane I’m yet to do that or climbing a mountain. (LOL)
Note to self: All the Material success in the world is worthless if you don’t know who you are and what your purpose is. This is my honest truth with what my life experience has taught me. My Dad was a GREAT! teacher and still is. He told me countless stories about the Roman Empire really interesting stuff I appreciated that thanks, Dad. My Nan taught me about Love & kindness and “GENEROSITY” without any FEAR of receiving back just give, give, give, massive HEART my Nan. My Nan knew about my relationship with my Dad and what happened she said, Jonathan why don’t you go and talk to your Dad I couldn’t do it at the time it was too uncomfortable. I always felt this BARRIER with my Dad when it came to intimacy and talking and hugging and saying the words I love you Dad this was more difficult than stepping into the boxing ring and exchanging heavy punches with a skilled professional boxer. This was more difficult than having sexual intercourse with a BEAUTIFUL woman which did scare the shit out of me at the time. I was so afraid of sex I couldn’t always get an erection hows that for honesty a lot of people would be surprised to hear that about me because I was good with women apparently. Well, I don’t think I was good with women at the time I was good at “MANIPULATING” them into bed and fighting through ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION. I was afraid and GOD is my honest witness. Everyman is afraid I know this as absolute “TRUTH” my life experience and intuition tells me this.
Some men will outrightly lie and say statements like I’m not afraid…
I’m not that afraid..,
Some will even awkwardly laugh it off as a why to hide their FEAR…
If JESUS was afraid in the garden of Gestimony what on earth makes you think you are allowed to lie about being FEARFUL. It’s ok my friend we are all afraid myself included but that’s ok because PERFECT LOVE CAST out FEAR I love that beautiful line very true. I have lived FEAR, I lived LOVE, I have lived courageously, I have lived cowardly, I have experienced all these states “CONSACUOUNESS”
One thing I have learned is we all must face our most terrifying FEARS if we want the TRUTH and to reach our full potential. I know what you are thinking that was very Freudian of me and No I do not want to sleep with my own Mother. I do love some of Sigmund Freud’s teachings/philosophies because they are full of truth although many people will disagree that’s their opinion. One thing I have learned is that we can change ourselves which means the truth can deepen, change, transform, grow, heal, forgive, learn, inspire, love, empower.
“I” me or the ego self does not feel worthy to write such honesty this is not me because I don’t feel good enough to write such poetry. This is what I’m connecting, surrendering, collaborating, allowing, giving up, respecting, which is God/Love/Consciousness. I never met him in person although I have felt his presence through many men and women. I feel him right now through me when I write this and talk to you the reader, the seeker, the brave, courageous, hungry, amazing human being that is facing something shall we call it FEAR as we are on the topic of HONESTY/LOVE. Love cast out all fears every single DEMON dies at the sight of HONESTY/LOVE. I wanted to set the record straight once and for all about everything that happen to me and everything I done good and bad. This has been a “CONFESSION” for me a joy and a gift to be open and honest with you the reader. I was afraid at first to write the truth and now the FEAR is dissolving like a sugar cube in a glass of coffee. The FEAR is gone and yes I’m drinking coffee and eating a piece of chocolate cake in a posh beautiful coffee shop in Central London. I love good, energy, it has a healing effect on people, I love people I refuse to live in hate anymore. I have had so many people help me along my journey and teach me. I’m still on the path I want to learn more and grow into the person (God) want’s me to be. I also want to encourage anyone that is looking for help to be brave, honest, courageous, and face their fears whatever it may be from the smallest thing to the biggest. I can breathe because the truth has been told and now it’s out in the world for all to see, read, hear, judge, contemplate, and hopefully, be inspired by.
I want to end this off by sharing a few quick stories with you that happened to me during the coming weeks that were profound. I’m also a little cautious about sharing these because I’m sure some people will not believe me but that’s ok.
I keep bumping into MEN/WOMEN beautiful, talented, people that have been abused and hurt by their parents and all have POWERFUL stories to tell. I don’t have a right to tell people what to do this is not my way. I do have a write to be INSPIRED, to be honest about my story and connect with them. I believe this is the “LAW OF ATTRACTION” which I will talk more about in another youtube video or article. If you read this article and managed to get to the end the “UNIVERSE” IS TALKING TO YOU. I spoke to a MAN that told me he suffered with “ADHD” and was seeking help anyhow this guy came from a very successful family of Musicians and artists I believe he said. I meet this man at 2am, in the morning whilst on my way back home after an awesome day he was doing pull ups in the alley way and for some reasons I felt an intuition to talk with him. He was very well spoken, charming, and very intelligent we spoke about social anxiety, mental illness, abuse, music, art, love, Father figures, Ronnie Scotts In Soho which is an awesome place for music and great energy I love good energy.
I also meet a beautiful waitress called Cleopatra of all names what are the chances of that. She told me her Dad was abusive and now she has forgiven him and moving on with her life. She said these exact words to me: THE UNIVERSE IS ALWAYS TALKING TO US: She had great ENERGY we had great energy together wow really profound. I was also in another coffee shop via Nottinghill gate and I overheard these two men talking about spirituality and consciousness, One was about to give a presentation on consciousness he was an older man very enlightened been practicing Buddishim for years I could feel his presence and see the twinkle in his eye really awakened man we had a nice conversation He was teaching me he said keep climbing the mountain. I think everything happens to us for a reason whether it is good, bad, ugly, beautiful.
I hope you enjoyed reading this
Your Friend and Teacher
Jonathan
www.johnnyberba.com