Social Anxiety Tips – The Fear Of Meeting New People And Talking To Them

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Social Anxiety Tips – The Fear Of Meeting New People And Talking To Them

I wanted to write this article for my years now but the time just never felt write. I want to give back to people that are really suffering right now with social anxiety – The fear of meeting new people and talking with them.


 

As someone that has also suffered too with social anxiety I now first hand how you reading this are feeling right now. I grew up for most of my earlier life feeling very uncomfortable and anxious around people especially people that I didn’t know very well. I also felt very ashamed for having (Social Anxiety) a fear of talking to people and opening up to people and trusting them. I judged myself in the most harshes way you can possibly judge yourself. I associated social anxiety as a weakness and something that is really bad and something that made me a bad person. I later learned that none of this was actually true.


 

I believe a lot of my social anxiety was partly genetic and also because of the environment I grew up in as a young boy and the things that I experienced.  I did go through a lot of bullying at school because I was very shy and at times quite socially awkward. I didn’t like getting into arguments with people ( I hated social confrontation) I also didn’t feel comfortable with people looking at me. I remember feeling terrified of going to school in case one of the other boys would try and bully me and call me horrible names. I hated it when the teacher would ask me to come up to the front of the class to read out something to the class. I had a very bad experience without freezing up and not being able to get my words out properly and everyone laughing in the classroom.


 

Not to mention all the socially uncomfortable situations and experiences I had with talking to women. Like any normal boy I was attracted to women and wanted to get a girlfriend as a teenager but my social anxiety wouldn’t allow me to do so. I carried massive amounts of social shame and embarrassment about who I was and how I looed and how I spoke. It’s ironic because although I had such low self-esteem I also had a lot of natural confidence deep down which I later found and also realized.


 

I never told anyone other than my mum and my nan but I suffered from bad depression growing up continuously on and off as a young boy. I did, of course, have a lot of happy times growing up and lovely friends and a good family which I am now very grateful for. However, my mental health was always making everyday life extremely difficult for me. I never found it easy to talk to people and just have small talk. I always felt like I was being judged by the other person for coming across quite strange because of my anxiety.


 

Anyhow moving on into my mid-twenties life started to become unbearable to live with depression and social anxiety. I was so lonely although I would never tell anyone out of fear of being judged and rejected by them. It started to become very apparent to me that I had major confidence issues with women especially. I desperately wanted to have a girlfriend and fall in love and get over my social anxiety and depression and live a normal life. I hit rock bottom at aged 25 because I was single with no girlfriend, job, goal, or hobby in my life. I was really struggling to leave my house unless it was to quickly go to the local Sainsbury’s to get some shopping or to visit my family and close friends.


 

After listening to some motivational music on Youtube by a great man called Les Brown it inspired me so much to face my social and life fears. I also was fortunate enough to meet a guy whilst working out down a gym in portobello road who really helped me with my confidence and speaking to women in public places. I then started this journey of confronting my fears and that’s when I started to find answers that I was so desperately looking for all my life.


 

Aged 28 I became a different person after finally getting some confidence in talking to women and people in general. Things just started to fall into place after getting some help from my friend I met down the gym and listening to Les Brown’s motivational talk on Youtube about anything being possible if you wanted it bad enough and you believed in yourself.


 

Anyhow moving forward over the next 12-18 months I got a girlfriend and started my own online Dating coach business which was very successful. I started coaching men on one on how to talk to women and get control over their social anxiety and build confidence. I also faced many of my other situational social fears such as public speaking and also going on podcasts and radio shows and telling my story. I also became a full-time Youtube vlogger which I absolutely loved. I will be honest with you from my heart none of this was actually that hard once I set my mind to it. It was very emotionally uncomfortable at times meeting all these new people and putting myself out there. I also want to tell you that my social anxiety never fully went away completely although it massively improved along with my confidence and self-esteem.


 

I later learned that most people have some social anxiety especially when they meet new people for the first time. It’s totally human to feel anxious around new people that you don’t know and fully trust. The problem is most people lie about their fears in general because they don’t want to be vulnerable and show any kind of weakness to other people in case people won’t like and respect them.


 

I am going to give you my very best tips for getting full control over your social anxiety so you can live the life you want to live.

1) You have to have a goal in life, something that seriously drives you and motivates you to face your social fears. For example, if you wanted to become a successful entrepreneur that would be fantastic for facing your social anxiety. Business requires you interacting with other fellow human beings.


 

2) You have to be willing to suffer and embrace your fears and your pain. Most people that teach confidence and claim they can cure your anxiety in one product are not fully honest. You cannot go from having severe social anxiety to become super confident with people without going through a lot of emotional pain to get to the other side. Don’t worry the emotional pain although at times it does not feel nice it can’t kill you my friend that I promise.


 

3) Fitness routine – You have to go to the gym and start working out at least three times a week if you want to get control over your social anxiety and become more confident and relaxed around people. I cannot express to you in words how amazing the gym makes you feel and how much it helps lower your anxiety around other people. It’s self-explanatory with regards to you really understanding what I mean about the major benefits the gym has on your mental health. You have to get your ass down to the gym (Excuse my french) I get super passionate when I talk to people about social anxiety and personal development. Because I care about helping you get control over your social anxiety so you can live the life you want to live.


 

4) Social Life – To state the obvious you need to connect with other people and not isolate yourself in your house because this will only make your social anxiety worse. Make sure you have regular contact with your close family and friends this is so important for your confidence and happiness. Another great tip is to challenge yourself to go to a social meet up once per month to meet new people and talk to them. This will feel scary and uncomfortable at the beginning no doubt but you will feel fantastic afterward for having the courage to face your fears. The more you practice exploring yourself to your social anxiety the less anxiety you will experience around people.


 

 

5) Improve your fashion and style – These small little adjustments are so powerful for your confidence and self-esteem as a person. I highly recommend you go to your nearest local high street retail store and ask them to help you with your fashion. I also recommend you get a hairstyle that looks good and suits your unique personality.


 

6) Get a mentor – Mentors play such an important role in giving you support and guidance and even friendship. Find great mentors online that can help you to help yourself and to become fearless in your life.


 

 

After 8 years of coaching people and over a decade of working on my own social anxiety. I found the answer to the question you are probably asking right now as you read this blog.


 

 

Can you fully get rid of social anxiety and fear?

The answer is NO in my honest humble experience. Fear and anxiety are part of the human condition. The best you can do is learn to get full control over your social anxiety and live the life that you want to live. I am definitely willing to be proven wrong but in all honesty, I am confident that it is a long time away from happening in our lifetime. Anxiety and fear are wonderful things if you use them and don’t allow them to use you.


 

 

I hope this short article helped you, my friend.

The key is to never, ever, give up on yourself because you have greatness right inside of you.

Remember – Become Fearless

Johnny Berba