I want to first share this story with you because selfishly it will help me and secondly it will hopefully help you as well. I would never have the courage to write this in such raw honest detail without the help and intuition of (GOD).
So how did my social anxiety first become apparent to me this is the question I ask myself. Well from as far back as I can remember being a young boy at primary school I always felt so scared of the other kids laughing at me. I had this absolute terror of being laughed at in front of large crowds this was one of my biggest fears. I was extremely shy around people especially when it came to being around girls this absolutely terrified me to death. I was so afraid of being rejected by women and being called ugly that constant fear of this happening made me so afraid. I remember alway’s looking at the mirror to look at my face to see if I looked ugly and, strangely enough, the reflection I saw was a handsome man but the feelings that moved around my stomach said otherwise. I felt disgusting and ashamed to be alive and walk the face of the earth. I actually felt completely unlovable and this made me feel complete hatred towards other people. This left me feeling confused because I did not want to hate other people and the truth was, I hated myself and this was being projected in all my social interactions.
I’m now going to contradict myself because I actually had some close friends that I really loved and really trusted. I’m so tempted to name them but out of respect, I will not. I had alway’s made friends with men very easily for some reasons they seemed drawn to me which now I think is beautiful but back then I was uncomfortable with it. This confused psychology of falling in and out of trust with people (Friends & family) included came from the way my Dad treated me which I have later understood and been able to heal any damaged parts of me which is great. My Dad was a very beautiful, violent, angry, terrifying, intimidating man that instilled so much fear in me I became exactly the same. I did not fully trust myself and this affected all my relationships with people hence why I became a violent bully myself as a way of protecting myself from being hurt.
As I write this now an inner voice is giving me a kicking telling me how much of a coward and a victim I am in asking for your sympathy. The exciting this is a second powerful voice I believe to be the voice of (God) the voice of the true me my authentic self that is full of love knows I will help you too and heal your pain and find self-love. This is what has enabled me to manage my social anxiety and create a really beautiful blessed life. I’m not saying by no means that I have completely overcome my social anxiety because that would make me a liar and a liar I’m not. Sometimes I get afraid too and the truth is you just get better at managing the fear. This is what I have learned with over a decades worth of social practice which has consisted of me picking up tons of beautiful women from the street and doing lot’s of shagging please excuse my french. I have also as you know been teaching other men to manage their social anxiety and to build their confidence with women. (I’m a great teacher because I’m still afraid)
I have transformed the lives of 10000’s of men and to my surprise now women who have also adopted my philosophy of pure honesty whilst socialising with other people. Well, I say my philosophy
it’s everyone’s I just guide people towards it. I know that this is the cure to managing social phobia, low self-esteem, trauma, and pretty much any human fear. We need to go directly towards the truth, or, at least, take steps towards truth because anything other then the truth will not heal your deep inner suffering that keeps you awake and afraid at night. I have suffered many sleepless nights alone depressed, afraid, confused, helpless, ashamed, guilty, feeling completely abandoned by everyone including god. I have also suffered to waking up in the morning and feeling paralysed with anxiety and my heart racing at 100 miles per hour feeling like I’m going to die. This sounds extreme I know and yes the inner voice is bullying me again about being a victim and looking for sympathy. I guess this is where social anxiety comes from the fear or better word the absolute terror of being judged by other people. Well go ahead and judge me only to find when you do so you judge yourself because it takes one to know one right. I’m so blessed man and God only knows how grateful I am for the wonderful life I live and the beautiful people around me so a little more judgement is so worth it in exchange for more self-love. This is another truth I discovered along my journey into facing my social anxiety is social judgment never fully goes away that’s the truth. When I discovered this myself by doing some very deep internal and external research as both teacher and student I see that everyone is afraid of being judged by others. What excited me again was I did not have to overcome social judgement but get better at dealing with it. This literally took my self-esteem to another level and enabled me to do the same for my students as well.
I want to mention that the voice I’m using now is my authentic self and also the voice of many other beautiful teachers who have all guided me towards my own truth and enabled me to have the strength to guide others towards their truth. I can honestly say that my social anxiety has gone from 100% to now 25% which I’m able to manage and feel relaxed around people men/women. I’m still in the process of getting better myself which is why my teaching is getting better and better. I’m so proud of the work I have done on my 6-week transformation programme which was inspired several years ago by many students and another life coach.
I could easily close this chapter now and end on a high note and save myself from further embarrassment in holding back the dirty shameful parts of myself from my past but I know that would be selfish of me. I’m struggling to write this because all my inner monologue voices are coming up saying don’t tell them anymore that’s enough. Well as you know I’m a very courageous man and (God) is telling me to tell you the full extent of the truth. So all throughout my seduction career I was terrified of sexual intimacy with women. Yes, that is right a famous so-called street pick-up artist that is afraid of taking out his willy and getting romantic with a woman in the bedroom. Every time I would take a new woman back home from the street I would nervous about having sex with them. Once again just like my social anxiety I learned to get better at managing the fear and being able to perform in the bedroom. I want to add like most men I’m pretty good in bed in case any women are reading this you know I love you all and thank you for making me beautiful on the inside. I later learned that every single man at one stage of his life has suffered from performance anxiety (Erectile Dysfunction) due to a childhood trauma along with all the social condition and the pornography that is available on the internet. Once again we live in a society that is not alway’s fully honest about these matters and makes men/women will ashamed and embarrassed to talk openly about them.
So did I ever fully overcome my Erectile Dysfunction in the bedroom? well yes and no because it all depends on the woman, situation, and how I feel on the day. I can tell you that on many occasions I was completely fine and was able to perform I can also say that sometimes it happens to me but once again like the social anxiety I’m able to manage it by being open and honest about it. This is my truth and has been for not just my students but men all around the world and I know that because I receive emails all the time about performance/social anxiety. At the end of the day, we are human beings in a human form with emotions and feelings so all these anxieties around socialising with one and other and having anxiety around sex are completely normal. This gives me so much confidence with regards to socialising with people and interacting with women because in accepting the truth even when it’s difficult we accept ourselves which is when we access self-love. I cannot tell you how much more confident I became with women and performing in the bedroom once I started to be more vulnerable and to tell them the truth. I am going to tell you the secret to my entire method/philosophy with attracting women? HONESTY that’s it so simple yet so many men struggle with it because of fear and ego. When you surrender to love you literally become it which are the words of a lovely man my friend Geoff and mentor. I literally did that I surrendered to love and the self-hate started to leave my body as if an angel had removed a demon from my body. I started to love people it was quite amazing, to say the least, to feel free of all the shame, embarrassment, guilt, anger, violence, self-hate, and to connect to the very source that was accessible to me the whole time (Love) this is the energy that heals wounded hearts and sets men free from fear. I want to add that being full of love does not mean being completely free of fear/anxiety but in knowing that you have the tools to manage fear/anxiety makes life worth living.
“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Your friend and coach,
Johnny Berba
Enjoy the process!